How Not To Let Go
by olivegroves
Summary: 7 years after graduation Patricia is living her life to its full potential. But an unlikely encounter with an old friend makes her realize the true importances in life. And she wants this friend to realize them too, before time runs out. Is she too late?


How could you ever leave the one you love?

For some people its hard.

But for Patricia, it was so easy.

And that is a lie.

It was seven years after her life in the house of anubis, Patricia Williamson was living in London and working for a large recording company as an assistant to Roy Handsern, a brilliant lyricist and writer. He was working on a large project for a hopeful future break through band called the Beatnick Stripes.

Patricia enjoyed working with Roy, staying up till 1 in the morning making him coffee when he had writers block. He was a short balding middle aged man that most people would over look and assume that he was a plummer.

What Patricia liked most about her job was working with the band. They were all great musicians, the lead singer Blake Soxcksoakka was also on the base. He was the only outgoing bass player that Patricia had ever seen. He loved stirring up mischief in the studio, producing some groovy tunes on his bass, and he had a beautiful voice to boot. He was tall, pale and his arms were covered in tattoo's. He once spent an hour explaining each of the stories and meaning to the tattoo's to Patricia.

It was an understatement to say Patricia fancied him, she was in love with him. They had been more than friendly with eachother for the past 3 years, but they never made thier relationship official.

One day Blake, Patricia, Roy, and Chris- the lead guitarist of the band- went into a record store after a lunch meeting with their producer. There was a boy behind the register who looked surprisingly familiar to Patricia, like a memory or de ja vu.

"Gabriel!" A voice called from the back of the store. An older man appearingly the owner stepped forward, the boy ran to him.

"Yes father." The little boy looked up to the man, he was only as tall as his wiest.

"Your shows on. Go ahead, we have customers. How can I help you?" The man was friendly and warm, and so familiar.

"Fabian! Fabian Rutter!" Patricia flung her arms around him.

"Hello." She broke apart to let him look at her more closely.

"Patricia oh my god! Hi!" When Fabian hugged her again a woman flung around the corner in the back of the store, it was Nina.

"Patricia!"

"Nina! AAAHHH! Nina!" The two of them hugged tightly.

"Is Gabriel your son?" Patricia asked enthusiasticaly.

"Yea he is, he is 4 years old." Nina answered

"He looks so much like you Fabian." Patricia commented. How could they already have a for year old son. They were only 25 years old. But it didn't bother Patricia at all. What bothered Patricia was the man who entered the store.

"Hey Jason, how are you?" Fabian asked the man walked up to him and slapped his hand.

"I'm not as good as usual but still breathing so you know, i'm not complaining." Jason answered. Patricia felt so dizzy. Was this really him, Jason Winkler, her old history and drama teacher. It couldn't be. But by the sound of his lovely voice and his pointed chin, it was possible. He looked like he had aged almost 15 years in only 7. He actualy looked like he was falling apart.

"Jason look who dropped by." Nina nudged Patricia and bumped her closer to him. Patricia could smell the mint and menthol odor around him. There was a 5 oclock shadow and bags under his eyes. He looked into her eyes and his mouth fell wide open.

"Patricia." It was her name, loads of people said it a bunch of times a day, but no matter how plain it was, the way he said it was the most beautiful time she had ever heard her name being said. It reminded her of all the other times her name escaped his lips, again, beautifuly.

"Jason, hi." Patricia felt bashful and shy. "This is my boss Roy Handsern. These are my friends from my boarding school. Its been such a long time since i've seen them. Oh and this is Chris and Blake, thier in a band project that Roy started and is hoping to release soon. But its disclosed information." Fabian and Jason shook Roy's hand, they just smiled at the head nods given by Blake and Chris.

Jason ended up buying Patricia an album by the Smiths and the whole group smiled for a picture for Nina and Fabian's wall of photos by other costomers. Patricia and Jason took a solo photo too, Jason's hand was on Patricia's waist, they were both holding a sign that said 'we love frobie's' which was the name of the record store.

"Why is it called Frobie's?" Patricia asked. Nina took Fabian's hand in hers and knotted her fingers with his.

"We needed to find some way to honor our years as sibuna and at anubis. But we didn't want an obvious name, we wanted it to be cool and we wanted to think long and hard about it." Fabian said.

"So after a year we finaly named it Frobie's, after Sara Frobisher-Smythe." Nina finished.

"I love it, you guys are the best." Patricia replied heartfelt and touched.

Later that evening Patricia was out on the town with Jason, he told her all of the things that had happened in his last 7 years and what he was up to these days and that he didn't really expect to live much longer. At first Patricia thought it was a joke, but it was all very serious. Jason had a degenerative disease and it caused pre mature death.

"Now I understand why all those years ago you joined the society, for immortality, why you wanted the elixir, and why you betrayed me." Patricia realized it all now.

"I would never have hurt you on purpose Patricia, I really tried to make up for it you know. I felt awful. It hurt me too." Jason admitted.

"I wish you had gotten immortality." Patricia said honestly.

"Ha! I'm completely ok with dying, now."

"that makes no sense. I don't want you to, well, die."

"I've had time to prepare for it. I've actually been waiting for two years. Its not too big of a deal anymore. there are things i'll never accomplish that I dearly wish I could have, but everyone dies eventualy, so I dont know what the difference is."

"Like what things have you not accomplished."

"Family. Marrying a girl who loves me truly and having children and then growing old and having grandchildren and living the rest of my days happily yelling at whippersnappers to get out of my yard." Jason laughed so light hearted at the subject.

"Do you visit Nina and Fabian often?"

"I do. We hang out a lot. I also get to see Alfie a lot, we hang at this bar in south London."

"I havn't seen anyone since graduation. I was just going to wait till the ten year reunion. But I believe its destiny to run into you."

"Destiny."

"Cause if i waited till the reunion maybe I would never have seen you agian. And I don't want my memories of you to be the history teacher who stabbed me in the back."

"I've wanted to make it up to you for such a long time Patricia."

"I believe you Jason." She looked into his eyes, they had lost their sparkle, but she could see how hard he was trying to bring it back. But he let go of hope.

"Why did you give up?"

"On you?"

"No, on your life."

"I didn't give up on my life. I gave up on love but i'm still getting by. I'm just living my life without any worries or cares or importances."

"Your just going through the motions, your wasting away until you're out of time."

"Maybe."

"But your not happy. Do you feel anything at all. Or do the cigaretes and alcohol numb that for you."

"Well i'll tell you that seeing you again has made me happy."

Patricia felt so close to him, she just wanted to help. She wanted him to be happy for the rest of his life, unfortunetly that wasn't very long. Her phone rang and it was a text form Blake: you sleeping over tonight?

"Jason."

"Whats up?"

"I want you to be happy every day until you die."

"Really?"

"No."

"Hmpfff."

"I want you to be happy every day until the day I die."

"What?"

"Why not. You don't have to give up yet. Not on your life, not on me, and not on love!"

"I appreciate your opptomistic argument Patricia, but there is no hope. There is no cure."

"I'm not just being opptomistic Jason. I love you!" She let out some tears then started to walk away. She pushed through people and just kept going on down the sidewalk. She felt a hand on her shoalder, she turned around to be embraced by a passionate kiss. She folded into Jason's arms, he held her mouth steady against hers. And they kissed righ there on the sidewalk of a busy street with the tears flowing down their face.

They separated when they heard a whistle from someone in a car.

"Patricia." It was again the most beautiful thing she heard. "I love you." She kissed him again and again.

3 and a half months later Nina, Fabian, Gabriel, Trudy, Jerome, his wife Ella, Mara, Mick, Amber, Alfie, Joy, and Patricia- accompanied by Blake and Roy- went to the small town of Peterborough where the Winkler's lived. They were invited by Bernard and Lenora Winler, Jason's parents. The reason of their visit was for the funeral of their late and beloved history teacher.

Patricia composed a solid emotionless demeanor throughout the entire service. The only time she showed any feeling at all was a whince when she threw dirst over the casket.

Blake squeezed her hand, Nina and Fabian and Gabriel hugged her and invited her over for tea the following week. She made the rounds hugging all her friends. None of them had a clue how immensly painful it was for her, and they didn't know how much she cherrished their condolences and support. She covered up her true feelings, made it seem like she felt what Joy did, or Mara, or Trudy.

She pretended it was so easy, she pretended that it didn't mean that much to her. This was all pretend.

Lenora gave Patricia a box full of some of Jason's possesions. She opened it when she returned to her appartment in London. The box was full of books and study equipment. There were scripts Jason had written when he was in school. And a poem called Forbidden Love.

When Patricia came upon a letter he had written when he was 15 she broke into a hurricane of cries. He had titled the letter 'a Wink from the Grim Reaper' and he had written down all the events of the doctor's check up that changed his shortened life forever.

At the bottom of the box was a bracelet that old and broken. Patricia studied it through her blury eyes, Jason's name was scripted on its blue fraied fabric. Patricia put it on, she vowed to keep it forever.

Blake asked her three years later on their wedding day why she was still wearing that ratty bracelet, and when he tried to take it off her she flipped out on him.

"Sorry. I didn't realize you were so attatched to this ugly momento."

"Its not ugly you jerk! Its means more to me than any gift you will ever give me ever could!"

"Ok I regret bringing it up."

"Yea I regret it too."

"Lets just go back out there. Everyone is probably wondering what happened to us."

"I'll be a minute." When he was gone Patricia fell to the ground and wept. Letting go and moving on was an impossibility, she absolutely refused to do so.


End file.
